I believe in gender equality therefore I am feminist. Yet an increasing number of us who believe in gender equality think feminism is synonymous with 'man hating'. Along the way feminism has lost it's meaning; so let me explain what feminism really is. It isn’t to give voice to the voiceless because there is no such thing as the voiceless, there are only the deliberately silenced, or preferably unheard. It isn’t to make women stronger because we are already strong, it's getting the world to understand that.
Here's a great analogy I found that will hopefully allow you to understand better. Suppose two kids, a boy and a girl have some sweets with them, the boy has 8 sweets and the girl has 4 sweets. Some men think feminism is taking all 8 sweets from the boy and giving it to the girl. Some women think feminism is allowing the boy to keep his 8 but give the girl 8 more so she has 12. Some men and women think feminism is taking 2 from the boy and giving it to the girl. Feminism is actually giving 4 more to the girl so they both have 8 each.
Less than 20% of men call themselves feminist. Which confused me since so many men believe in gender equality. In trying to understand why such a low percentage of men are feminists I stumbled across this poll titled "If a woman hits you, would you hit her back?” on an Australian men's rights Facebook page. An overwhelming 80,000 people had responded. At one stage 80% of voters said yes they would hit a woman who hit them, yet the opinions were clearly divided between it wasn’t chivalrous to do so and if women wanted equality they should expect "equal rights and equal lefts”.
It was the idea of hitting a women wasn’t chivalrous that really got me thinking. Can we blame society's unspoken social conduct for some men turning into misogynist? Men are expected to be chivalrous which straight away dictates gender roles. This often means men are meant to offer to pay for dinner and offer their lady their jacket when they are cold. Feminism isn’t promoting that all men should be chivalrous or they are not worth women’s time. Feminism accepts relationships where there are stereotypical gender roles: The women is a stay at home mum and does all the cooking and cleaning and the man works a nine to five job and does all the handy work and hard lifting at home. Feminism also accepts relationships that break gender stereotypes: The man is a stay at home father who does all the groceries and chores while the women earns the money to support the family. Embracing egalitarian attitudes (an attitude that feminist does actually promote) means that gender roles can be re-defined, or preferably abandoned altogether.
Now that you have understood what feminism is let me answer the question that is the reason for the lack of male feminists. “If feminism is for equality, why don't feminists fight for men's rights as well?” The answer is very simple, we do. Feminists are fighting patriarchy, fighting this stereotype that a man and a woman should be a certain way solely because of their gender. If their personal choice is opposite to the behaviour ‘expected’ from the society, then they should be shamed until they change themselves. When patriarchy is abolished, not only will women be empowered and given equal rights as men, but also the society’s demand of a man to be a certain way will be destroyed. So now you tell me, aren’t we technically fighting for your rights too.
Women need feminism - we teach women how to prevent rape, instead of teaching people to not view women as objects. Because women are told that walking alone at night makes them “an easy target.” Because when women are assaulted, they are often the ones who feel ashamed. Because when people get married it is assumed the woman will take the man’s last name. Men need feminism too. So they can come forward if they were sexually abused without being told “Why are you complaining? You just got laid.” So they don’t feel the need “man up” in order to protect their precious masculinity, even if it means upholding harmful, destructive, and hate-filled norms that negatively affect those around them and themselves.So they choose to be a stay-at-home dad while their partner earns for the family, without being judged for it.
Both men and women need feminism because when men are being sensitive, emotional, moody they have a right to cry, without being called ‘a girl’ which is intended to be an insult to all women and men. So in social situations men it inset just men being asked about work and just women being asked about the family. So their can be changing tables in both toilets because both genders are parents.
