A key part of any boarding house within the St John’s community is the fruit bowl. Many bad days have been solved by the south fruit bowl. “The south fruit bowl is like a home to me,” was how Gabby in Upper Fifth would describe the jubilation met by a fresh, succulent pear from the fruit bowl. The fruit bowl was like a comfort blanket to me, it provided protection and love in times of dire disrepute. Though one day my heart was ripped out from my soul… 


As I returned to my boarding room after half term, I was struck by sadness. As I opened the south door bright one Monday morning, I felt that a key part of South had been ripped out of the foundations. I couldn’t quite pinpoint what it was – though suddenly it hit me. There was a pear-shaped hole in my heart. Gabby McMillian in Upper Fifth stated that “the loss of the pears felt like the loss of a family member.” This is an ordeal which has hit us all and tugged each one of our heartstrings.  


Another southerner, Radha Peratides, has reported that she aimed to be like Empress Dowger Cixi, due to her love of pears, and the recent lack of pears means she cannot fulfil her one true wish to emulate her hero. This downtrodden dream led to deep discussion in the setting of Mr Ross’ Upper Fifth history class. We all felt a part of us was lost when the pears were extracted from our lives. We feel that fruit fuels our history debate, though now we must all sit and subdue in deep depression.  


The recent pear crisis has meant that pupils feel a lack of energy during lessons. This is not the only downside of not having a daily pear in your diet. Pears help to reduce the risk of cancer and diabetes. They also act as a key source of potassium. Lisa Nelson-Jones in South has stated that she “feels weak without pears - they are the cornerstone of her diet, which has now been destroyed.” She later furthered this by saying that “she feels lost without them.” 


Personally, as a weekly boarder it is crucial to me that I can chose a beautiful, succulent pear every night before I enter my little home within south. The pears were one of the driving forces behind my motivation to convert from two-night boarding to weekly boarding. The absence of the pears is a loss which can only be compared to if my bed were to be snatched out of my boarding room and I was forced to sleep in the under croft of the chapel.  


An anonymous whistle-blower has reported that the school lacks the financial budget for these pears. We, as a community, are all distraught by the recent shortcomings in gome fruit department. We hope that this will be resolved as soon as possible.