neutral gear (From This Is Local London)

neutral gear

4:38pm Wednesday 18th April 2007 in Blogs By Jennie

So I almost had a date last Saturday night. Thank you, thank you, it's very nice to know you're all happy for me, but really, don't be. Because the very tragic fact is that, despite the best laid plans, the date got cancelled, I spent the night on the sofa watching The Holiday (not that good) and eating cookies - and I preferred that outcome. That, for me, was a successful night.

In all honesty, I'm not all that bothered about the date, nor the guy I was supposed to be having it with. Which, I know, sounds mean and rude, and I have nothing against him and no desire to lead him up the garden path. I met him on Easter Sunday, when I was out drinking with my gang of friends from college, and I'd imbibed a lot of alcohol. I mean, a lot. Which meant that not only did I break my rule of number-swapping and give him mine, rather than taking his, but I also haven't got the faintest idea what he looks like. I can't remember one physical feature. And if that doesn't tell you that I wasn't in the best state to be making judgements, especially as they pertain to men.....

Anyway, it would seem that he's interested, and he called me a couple of days later to organise Saturday's date. However, on Saturday afternoon, he called and, between profuse apologies, cancelled due to the fact that his band practice wasn't expected to finish until 11pm. I didn't roll my eyes, honest....

To his credit, he seems like a nice guy, and of course it's always flattering if someone takes an interest. There's just the minor issue that the prospect of having a man within 100 miles of me who actually wants to date me, freaks me the f*** out . Seriously, the idea of going on a date right now fills me with horror, and not just because it might lead to a relationship - well, actually it wouldn't, because I don't want one right now. I'm not swearing off men for life and vowing to start collecting cats (although cats wouldn't take it upon themselves to walk out of your life, spouting some kind of crap about commitment....) And I'm actually looking forward to getting out there, getting back on the dating horse and meeting lots of people. Just not now. And yes, it is for the usual pathetic reason we've all come to expect from me.

I read somewhere that when it comes to dating after the end of a long term relationship, you shouldn't even attempt it unless you're in "neutral gear" when it comes to your ex. Your shouldn't still have feelings of love, and you shouldn't have feelings of anger or hate, because it means you still care. And you shouldn't care - you should ideally be completely healed and indifferent towards your ex. Of course, some people are happy to go straight out and meet people right away - whatever works, I suppose. But this makes sense to me. Think about it - otherwise you're going to be sitting there on that date, either pining for your ex, or amusing yourself by dreaming up all kinds of murderous fantasies. You're not a clean slate, dating wise, and, more than anything, you're not giving the person you're dating a fair shot. I can't really place myself on that scale - I'm at neither love nor hate, but the point is, I'm not quite in neutral yet.

Not that I've had the balls to actually say any of this to this poor guy who I gave my number to. I think he may get in touch this week and, if he does, maybe I'll actually go out with him. If nothing else, I need the dating practice - my last date was in September 2005! - and I'm pretty sure my dating skills are rustier than parts of the Titanic.

A date is where I don't cook, right?