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Plain truth about Gobbledygook
PRESS officer drivel has long been part and parcel of a journalist's life.
But recently these people, who like to call themselves "corporate communications officers", have taken their unique brand of language to another level.
When I first started out as a trainee there was no internet, nor email, we did not even have a mobile phone.
Press releases were sent by fax to the news editor who threw 99 per cent of them straight into the bin.
Now, press officers, sorry corporate communications officers, send their "news" releases - which are usually about tree planting ceremonies, a new "community partnership" or a burglary which happened in 2006 - straight to our reporters in bid to sidestep that dastardly news editor.
I do not particularly mind as we have told our journalists to be selective about what they use, searching for the stories that local councils, police forces and primary care trusts would rather we did not report.
What I do mind is the language.
Press officers seem to use words only ever previously heard in episodes of Blackadder for comic effect or not used since the First World War.
For example a resident is a "dweller", a night clubber a "reveller" and a criminal an "offender". Such criminals do not run, they "decamp on foot". (We also get useful descriptions of criminals such as: "white man wearing a hood", but that is another matter).
Fines are "imposed". Councillors are "members", councils are "local authorities" or "local governments", the Government is "Central Government", councillors with certain responsibility are "portfolio holders" and chairmen or women are "chairs". You do not have a plan you have a "clear mechanism". Money is "funding", "funds", "resources", "supplies", "capital", "grants" or "awards" - never just cash. And when they do use the word money it has to be "monies" - why?
When somebody speaks they comment, highlight, question or retort - they never just say it.
The gobbledygook that hits a news desk is quite staggering.
But it does not end there.
The topics are also unbelievably boring. A few weeks ago we received a press release about a Continence Clinical Nurse Specialist who had been short listed in the continence care category of the nurses' awards.
Now I am not saying that she is not good at her job. I am not suggesting that she does not deserve her award but why would anyone else but the nurse involved and her colleagues care?
On the same day I received a release which told me that Johnny Depp had been revealed as the person women would most want to accompany them on their fantasy road trip with men choosing Jeremy Clarkson. And what was this press release advertising? Car insurance . . . obviously.
But again it does not end there.
Anybody who has attended a council meeting will be aware of every journalist's nightmare. The bane of our lives. The anti-social, hoody-wearing, toe-rag of the written world - the council agenda.
There is not one in the UK that makes sense. I have long held the opinion that council agendas are compiled with the intention of putting everyone, bar the councillors involved, off.
Take this little beauty from the district council's planning (development control) committee central meeting on April 28.
The following extract regards planning permission for an extension to a bungalow. Pretty straightforward you would think.
Maybe not.
"The provisions of schedule 2, Part 1, Class A of the Town and Country Planning (General Permitted Development) Order 1995 (or any order revoking and re-enacting that Order with or without modification) shall not apply to any garage to which this permission relates. No internal or external alterations shall take place to any garage, which would preclude its use for housing motor vehicles without the written permission of the local planning authority first being obtained. The garaging so provided shall be maintained as a permanent ancillary to the development and shall be used for no other purpose at any time."
Garaging? Ancillary?
Just say: "You can't touch your garage but you can still park your car in it."
Just wait until they start on the Tesco application.
Police forces are not much better.
In fact they have got so bad The Plain English Campaign (PEC) has labelled its language "Ploddledygook".
On its fantastic website PEC exposes someone, somewhere under the banner "Gobbledygook of the week".
Here is this week's gem: "By aggregating a range of public and commercial datasets, including global addressing and Directory Enquiries, voter databases, commercial data and documentation including dates of birth, and voice-based verification solutions, 192.com Business Services delivers the most comprehensive global online ID verification solution available." This is typical of the nonsense we receive.
The PEC also provided the BBC with a "plain English" summary of this year's budget.
Far more importantly the PEC shows people how to write in plain English, a site which should be visited regularly by press officers and also a number of current graduates who apply for jobs in journalism.
Publicly funded organisations may well realise that they serve the public, so it is about time their paperwork was written in a likewise manner.
If you see any examples, send them to us so we can suitably embarrass those involved.
7:36am Wednesday 14th May 2008
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CommentPosted by: Plain English Campaign, London on 1:31pm Wed 14 May 08
A wonderfully written article - well done. Maybe you should translate council agendas too. Anyone who can understand and shorten them must know what they are doing. Thanks for highlighting the campaign. Your readers are free to visit our website anytime.
A wonderfully written article - well done. Maybe you should translate council agendas too. Anyone who can understand and shorten them must know what they are doing. Thanks for highlighting the campaign. Your readers are free to visit our website anytime.
Posted by: Bob, St Albans on 4:15pm Thu 15 May 08
Oh dear Mr Buhagiar, you've well and truly put your size tens into a steaming pile of the proverbial. Several times in recent weeks have I posted ever-so-slightly sarcastic comments pointing out some of your daft shock-horror-slash-a
nd-burn headlines and the numbing dreariness of the press releases, some rehashed, some obviously not, which you publish in the name of "journalism".
Oh dear Mr Buhagiar, you've well and truly put your size tens into a steaming pile of the proverbial. Several times in recent weeks have I posted ever-so-slightly sarcastic comments pointing out some of your daft shock-horror-slash-a
nd-burn headlines and the numbing dreariness of the press releases, some rehashed, some obviously not, which you publish in the name of "journalism".
Posted by: Editor, St Albans on 11:39am Fri 16 May 08
The trouble is Bob, everytime you have claimed a press release has been used in one of our articles (and blimey there have been many such allegations made by yourself) you have been wrong. If you can prove otherwise, please do so. Also feel free to give me an example of any headline which is not in plain English.
The trouble is Bob, everytime you have claimed a press release has been used in one of our articles (and blimey there have been many such allegations made by yourself) you have been wrong. If you can prove otherwise, please do so. Also feel free to give me an example of any headline which is not in plain English.
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