South London newspapers to launch new local television channel

Croydon's most famous export, Dane Bowers, will front a new chat show

Croydon's most famous export, Dane Bowers, will front a new chat show

First published in Where I Live
Last updated
Exclusive by , TV reviewer

The South London Guardian series – the family of newspapers covering southwest London and north Surrey - will tonight launch a brand new television channel called South London’s Original and Best TV (SLOB TV).

The launch comes after 100 per cent of those interviewed in a recent poll said they would definitely watch a TV channel dedicated to south London life.

Professional pollster Bobby Mugabe said: “Our extensive survey revealed overwhelming demand - people just aren't interested in the internet or American TV shows any more.

“People want to look out of the window and then look at their TV and see the same thing – it’s human nature.

“Of those surveyed – both of them – there was a general sense of wonder at how no one has ever tried this before!”

For the first five years the new channel will only be available on square television sets with an analogue aerial, but ambitious plans are underway to go completely digital by 2020 and 100 per cent colour by 2022.

Hugh Jeego, the newly appointed creative director of SLOB TV, said tonight’s launch would be a “game changer in Britain’s shifting media landscape.”

He said: “I’m pretty sure no other local television channels have launched recently, have they? I wouldn’t know, television is so boring – I would never watch it!

“Actually, maybe you shouldn’t print that... just write what you want and make me look interesting, ok?”

TV LISTINGS - April 1, 2014:

6.30pm SOUTH LONDON NEWS SHOW, hosted by Michael Tayker

News and current affairs programme. Mostly stories from our websites translated into cockney rhyming slang for older viewers with TXTSPK subtitles for teenagers.

7pm BARGAIN HUNTER

Zsa Zsa Gabor and Made in Chelsea’s Spencer Matthews go bargain flat hunting in Clapham for properties worth under £10m.

8pm AROUND THE LOOP IN 80 DAYS

Michael Palin experiences the joys of the First Capital Connect train network from Sutton to the City via the Wimbledon loop. Palin explains how to avoid eye contact with commuters and shout at empty platforms as it takes him literally 80 days to get to work.

9pm: STUFF WE SAW ON YOUTUBE

We present the best of local YouTube videos from the past week, including “Tooting girl sings Beyonce song”, “I hate Worcester Park traffic” and “OMG too funny this baby fell over on tram!"

10pm DANE BOWERS CHAT SHOW

World-renowned vocalist and celebrated Croydon legend Dane Bowers interviews celebrities from south London. Tonight’s guest is Uncle Bulgaria from the Wombles, who is standing as a UKIP candidate for Wimbledon MP to stop uncles from Bulgaria taking his job.

11pm TOPLESS BOWLS

Remember the popular TV sports show Topless Darts from the 90s? Well it’s back and better than ever as hunky men and gorgeous girls do battle on the most raunchy bowling greens in New Malden.

Midnight - next Monday: REPEATS

Click here for a sneak preview from behind the scenes of SLOB TV!

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