Amorous woodpeckers have descended upon one of the district's finest churches and are threatening to peck it to pieces.
In a bid to impress potential mates, dozens of the birds have hammered nearly 200 holes in the proud wooden spire of 1,000-year-old St Thomas' Church in Navestock.
While members of the church still maintain that all of God's creatures are welcome to the picturesque plot on Shonks Mill Road, their patience has run out after an architect estimated the damage at the Grade I listed building will cost a cool £30,000 to repair.
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We know they are only doing what woodpeckers do, but they really have overstayed their welcome," said churchwarden Mary Enkel, 74.
"Their mating call sounds like a drill - it really goes right through you," added Peter Adams, 74, a churchwarden emeritus.
The trouble began around three years ago when the birds, Great Spotted woodpeckers, flew in from the local woodlands and began their early morning assaults on the eardrums of the congregation.
A theory that they were pecking for insects was soon dispelled by a ornithologist Colin Miers, from Blackmore, who revealed they were, in fact, simply showing off their house-building prowess to the local females.
Some of the holes in the cedar tiles are so big they are clearly visible from the ground, and they have left the structure open to infestations by insects and at risk of substantial damage from inclement weather.
The church survived a bomb attack by the Germans during Second World War, but church members fear this latest assault by squadrons of frisky woodpeckers could succeed where Hitler failed.
Peter said: "The spire cost around £16,000 to erect about 20 years ago.
"We are very proud of it and the church as a whole which we consider to be one of the most beautiful in the local area.
"But we need to hire a steeplejack or erect scaffolding to fix this and it is going to be an uphill battle to pay for that."
The church is run on a very tight budget and the repair costs will have to be met through grants and fund-raisers including the church's biennial flower festival - an event featuring stalls selling plants and local produce - on May 17 and 18.
To make a donation to the church, call Mary on 01277 373722.
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