HAVING never understood why some filmmakers feel the need to plunder the cinematic archives for ideas when there are clearly so many talented individuals able to come up with their own stories, I've just about tolerated the trend up until now.

There are exceptions, of course. Peter Jackson's King Kong was wonderful, and absolutely brimming over with respect and love for the 1933 classic.

But Neil LaBute, with this appalling new treatment of a legendary British horror film, 1973's The Wicker Man, has just gone too, too far.

His movie, which was released last week after no preview screenings had been allowed (always the sign of a stinker), is quite the worst possible result for all who decided to become involved - actors, producers and studio.

Nicolas Cage, who also acted as producer, assumes Edward Woodward's role as police officer Edward Malus.

He's called to the isolated island community of Summersisle - why the additional "s" to the original's Summerisle? - to investigate the disappearance of a young girl, Rowan Woodward (note the name homages).

Film focus Starring: Nicolas Cage, Ellen Burstyn
Director: Neil LaBute
Running time: 96min
In a word (or two!): (Huge) mistake
Our verdict: Miss it!
If you want to know more:

www.thewickerman movie.warnerbros. com

The crucial difference from 1973 is that the person asking for help is his ex-fiance, and so he's on the next boat out there.

Arriving on the shore, he's immediately confused by the residents' reticence and their adamant stance that Rowan either didn't exist or is dead.

Now, I love Nicolas Cage, that borderline potential psychopathy which he has filtered so successfully for roles in projects like Moonstruck, Wild At Heart, Leaving Las Vegas and Face/Off. In this film, though, he's woeful, upsettingly bad in fact, as he overacts, treats the residents with sarcasm and runs around sweating and stressing out.

He also shouts, smacks women around and is, quite frankly, begging for a burning from the residents of Summersisle, led by an equally embarrassing Queen Bee Ellyn Burstyn, trying to live up to Christopher Lee's Lord Summerisle and failing more than miserably.

The reason that The Wicker Man has endured so long is its intelligent and interesting portrayal of Christian and Calvinist defiance in the face of a completely different belief system - in this case, paganism.

This rethinking has no such impact.

LaBute made his name with the misogynist The Company of Men, in which two men seduce and dump a deaf woman for a bet, and his anti-female edge has unbelievably carried to this remake.

His new script would have us accept that the events depicted in the film happen to maintain the superiority of all things feminine, and the arrogant stupidity of such a premise is an insult to the evocative explorations of Anthony Shaffer's original novel and screenplay.

Add to these insults the terrible score, awful costumes, application of (non-scary) cheap horror shock techniques - sudden movements, dream sequences, blind twins, Don't Look Now references - and any fans of the genuine article won't be able to prevent themselves from utterly despairing.

Horrible, horrible, horrible.