Joe Pasquale talks about his new show at Wycombe Swan

12:40pm Thursday 8th April 2004

JOE Pasquale is on the brink of a mammoth 57 date tour, but admits he is just relieved not to be carrying around half a dead cow on his shoulders.

A strange statement for even the most eccentric comedian to make, but for the cheeky cockney with the distinctive squeaky voice, it is a heart-felt confession.

The 43-year-old funny man admits to doing a variety of rather bizarre jobs before hitting the big-time, including working in a meat market.

"I never had an ambition to become a comedian," says Joe, when I catch up with him on his mobile during a busy day promoting his new venture.

"I was a civil servant for a year in the department for transport and environment, generally making tea and shredding paper. I have also worked in a margarine factory and as a labourer on a building site."

Compared to all these jobs, Joe sees nothing in taking on such a demanding tour schedule.

"It ain't going down a mine to dig out the coal. It is going to Travel Inns and eating at Little Chefs, which is hard, but not that hard."

His pre-comedy employment has left him with a wealth of amusing anecdotes to draw upon and he is soon spinning a yarn from his colourful past. The half a cow reference comes from his days at Smithfields Meat Market in London, where he would get up at 5am to carry great hunks of meat about the marketplace.

"I used to be given a bag of meat and an unplucked chicken at the end of the day. I would go off on my moped with a bag of beef on one handle and a bag of chicken on the other. One day I was driving home and I clipped a car wing mirror and thought I'd lost the chicken. Down the motorway people kept beeping me and it was only when I got home I saw that the chicken had got caught in my spokes, and it looked as though I was being chased by a chicken all the way home. It tasted of exhaust pipe fumes which wasn't pleasant."

This is a perfect example of the way Joe works weaving a story off the top of his head and seeing where it takes him. He sees it as "mucking around", but it is a style that works, with no less than four Royal Variety Show appearances under his belt, a string of television appearances, including his own specials for ITV and sell out theatres wherever he goes.

"I was working at a holiday camp and decided to audition for New Faces in 1987, just for a laugh," squeaks Joe.

"To my surprise I got into the final and ended up coming second and I didn't even have an act. I was just mucking around, and I am still doing it now. I am just waiting for them to suss me out it is a bit like the king's new clothes."

After 11 years on the comedy circuit, Joe's latest project is a pre-emptive farewell tour that he insists is certainly not the final curtain for his career.

"I have called it The Everything I Have Ever Done & The First Of Many Goodbye Tours as everybody does their goodbye tour and then doesn't go look at Engelbert Humperdinck. At least this way I am being honest and saying that I will be coming back next year."

Typically, the act is only half written, but Joe promises his material will be a bit of the old and a bit of the new, making it the "best of both worlds." But whatever happens in the show, one thing audiences are sure to hear is Joe's distinctive high-pitched voice delivering the one-liners. Despite his unusually feminine vocal range, Joe remains non-plussed as to what the fuss is all about.

"I don't think my voice is that distinctive but people seem to think so, and it has been instrumental in people remembering who I am. It does up a bit when I am a bit excited, and then only dogs can hear it. I don't really know what all the fuss is about I have lived with it for 43 years and it doesn't bother me."

As well as comedy, Joe has been known to dabble in the world of theatre and has recently finished a run of Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead in Jersey.

"Acting is a great discipline and a couple of times in the play, I had to remind myself that I couldn't go off on a tangent for 10 minutes, but stick to the script. I like that sort of discipline.

"I am not an actor. I am not a comedian. I just want to do something that keeps the brain ticking over."

Joe Pasquale is at Wycombe Swan on Friday, April 16. Tickets: 01494 512000.