Last time Pubspy dared venture into the 'mildly interesting' Shortlands Tavern, the owner threatened to 'chop me into pieces.'
Not one to shy away from danger, back I went. Oh, how times have changed.
It's not much to look at from the outside, sitting on a pretty nondescript road with a sign advertising the 'rtlands tavern', but inside this boozer is a feast for the eyes.
The still-shabby-and-beige walls are adorned vintage mirrors and old photographs and a stuffed owl sits proudly over the door, it's glass eyes peering down on a couple of elderly men, my only companions for the afternoon.
A cheerful Irish barman came over brandishing a single sheet of A4 on a clipboard - this turned out to be a menu - and after a heart-wrenching five minutes choosing between traditional fish and chips (£9.95) and the slightly more exotic lemon and harissa chicken flatbread (£9.95) I plumped for a warm salt beef sandwich, complete with English mustard, gherkins and beef tomato on brown bread with chunky chips (£7.95).
Heaven on toast
I ordered at the bar, browsing an impressive range of whiskeys (not for a weekday lunchtime) and ales - I opted for half a Greene King (£1.85) - as fresh-faced as Pubspy is, I wasn't at all surprised at being asked for ID and whipped out my bus pass.
Irish then said he'd put my half in a pint glass so it "at least felt like I was drinking a pint" - odd - but beer is beer regardless of its vessel.
After a short wait he popped my sandwich down in front me quipping, "there you go little one," as big and burly as Pubspy is, I took this as quite the complement.
The sandwich was delicious - mountains of salt beef, stacked on layers of gherkins, beef tomatoes and just-enough mustard between perfectly toasted slices of brown. It came accompanied by just the right amount of chips and mayo in a tiny, individual jar. I was in sarnie heaven.
Yes it was quiet, but who goes wandering around Shortlands in the rain at 1pm on a Thursday? The Shortlands Tavern has certainly upped its game, offering well-priced food and a good tipple in a quirky setting. I haven't got a bad word to say about it really.
More Pubspy:
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- Dodgy decor, smelly and full of rugby tat: PubSpy reviews The Holly Tree, Hither Green
- PubSpy reviews The Seven Stars, Foots Cray
- PubSpy reviews The Harvest Moon, Orpington
Shortlands Tavern, Station Road, Shortlands.
How it rated:
Decor *** Quirky - can't say they haven't tried.
Atmosphere *** Quiet at lunch time but Pubspy came out feeling refreshed.
Drinks **** Good choice, reasonably priced.
Food **** Best sandwich Pubspy's had in a while.
Staff **** Very pleasant.
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