Train morons drive me mad
10:24am Friday 10th July 2009 in
ONE of the few pluses of my driving ban is that I am repeatedly experiencing the generosity of friends who repeatedly offer lifts when it means going out of their way and when I might otherwise be stranded.
But then there are the minuses. I was working in Birmingham this week recording an episode of the lunchtime drama Doctors. This necessitated travelling on the Chiltern Line.
No, my complaint is not about that service; the trains were on time and comfortable. But sadly not everyone who travelled with me made ideal companions.
Returning home on the first night a group of young people got on and promptly turned on their ‘boom box’ or ‘ghetto blaster’ – a large piece of equipment balanced on the perpetrator’s shoulder and turned up full volume – on a train full of people trying to read their books or papers or doze.
The railway children 2009-style sprawled on the seats bellowing dreary obscenities at each other and the world at large. I looked round the carriage only to see the more practised and hardened travellers studiously avoiding eye contact and giving very good impressions of so many wise monkeys.
I realised that were I to challenge this behaviour, which I ached to do, I might find myself alone in doing so and, these days, I could have been offering myself for some desultory knife practice, so reluctantly but probably sensibly I suppressed my desire to remonstrate and kept my gaze on my crossword. It was hard.
The following night, a young woman shared with her mother every detail of a conversation with a friend about their planned holiday in Malaga – for 15 minutes – loudly enough to be heard in the next carriage. I caught the eye of a lady sitting opposite.
We exchanged silent indications of the desire to kill.
When Malaga Mary finally finished a friend joined her, having got on at the next station, and we heard the whole story again, just as loudly.
When they finally got off my hitherto silent friend looked at me and said: “What a truly ghastly young woman.”
We discussed some fairly terminal sanctions we would like to impose and returned to our reading material, until the next moron with a phone got on.
We didn’t have long to wait. This one discussed birthday presents he was giving his girl friend that night. Riveting stuff.
Three months to go.
Comments(3)
dave hampton
says...
3:39pm Fri 17 Jul 09
OR
Why divide and insult our community Colin, when you could be uniting and inspiring us?
‘Look Who's Talking’ Columnist Colin Baker may consider himself a cut above train travel, but his silly attack on train users ('Train morons drive me mad') drives me madder. He may find the foibles and frolics of his fellow human beings tiresome, but look who’s talking; people who are banned from driving for speeding, at least four times in three years, are surely proven to be a little more than just tiresome?
I travel extensively on the train, all times of day and night, and mostly find it enjoyable, educational and effective. I don't use my car much, as I care about the world my kids will inherit. It is ‘car morons’ who drive me mad - no - not all car users - but those who drive irresponsibly and anti-socially, thinking they are above the law, and above the rest of us.
The rail passengers that Colin objects to probably 'play up' when they spot his nose in the air, his fearful body language, and his discomfort at mixing with riff raff! Bucks could be a better place if Colin used the BFP column he has been given to unite and inspire our community, not divide and insult it.
Dave Hampton
Mr.X
says...
12:22am Thu 6 Aug 09
I realised that were I to challenge this behaviour, which I ached to do, I might find myself alone in doing so and, these days, I could have been offering myself for some desultory knife practice, so reluctantly but probably sensibly I suppressed my desire to remonstrate and kept my gaze on my crossword. It was hard."
I dont know which had me laughing harder the column or the reply above
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Waspilot says...
1:32pm Fri 10 Jul 09
When an offender presents themselves, EVERYONE in the car descends on them with nasty glares, SHSHSH noises, and ultimately sharply phrased suggestions until the perpetrator is demoralized into either conforming or preambulating into another car. Failing that, the train conductors will eject them from the car. (They do wait until the next stop, unlike the action the fellow passangers might take.) Signs are posted prominently inside and outside the car, so no excuses are accepted.
Given your circumstance, thank you for keeping your temper in check. It would be quite selfish of you to get yourself stabbed. How would your dear readers get through their Friday mornings without their cups of coffee and Colin-isms?